


Dear Eileen

by DivergentLunarShadowhunter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, I'm not sure how to tag this, Just a sad fic, Letter, Letter from Sam to Eileen, Sad Sammy, Sam winchester is sad, Season/Series 12, Season/Series 12 Spoilers, Writing to the dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 09:29:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13455378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivergentLunarShadowhunter/pseuds/DivergentLunarShadowhunter
Summary: When Eileen dies, Sam doesn't have time to grieve. He doesn't know yet that his mother has been captured by the BMOL, hunters are dying, and everything's going to shit. But when he finally gets the chance to return to the bunker, the last place he ever saw Eileen alive, he can't help it.She wrote him a letter before she died, so he thinks it's only fair that he writes her back.





	Dear Eileen

_ Dear Eileen, _

 

_ You deserved so much better than this. So, so much better. People who do what we do, you know there’s gonna be deaths, but this… _

 

_ You had a future, a life. You were so strong, so brave, so young. You used your disadvantages to your advantage and you did it as well as anybody ever could. Anybody else would’ve given up, given in to the idea that they weren’t good enough, that they could never avenge their family. But not you. _

 

_ I was afraid to get too close to you, to infect you with this curse that follows me around like the hellhound that ended your own short life. I wished- I still do- that I could be more like Dean, more able to pick up and drop girls without even taking the time to remember their names. I thought this time could be different, that we could be friends, or maybe even more. I thought that because you were a hunter too that it would be easier to keep you safe. _

_   
_ _ I should never have let you go. I still have your letter, you know; tucked away with the photos of Mom and Dad and Jess and everyone else I ever loved. I still remember your face, and I never want there to be a day that I forget the color of your eyes. I didn’t love you- there wasn’t enough time for that- but if things had been different, if you’d stayed with us...maybe I could have grown to. There was something so special about you, something I’d never seen before in anyone I’ve ever met. You were beautiful and funny and so smart, someone I wanted to protect from day one. Not that you needed my protection- you never did, which is why I still can’t believe that somehow, you’re gone. _

 

_ You were just different, Eileen. Not because you were deaf, but because of what you did in spite of it. It’s not often I meet a hunter who still manages to be as strong as she is innocent. When you shot that man, I knew it was an accident, I knew you never meant to harm him. But for you to grieve for that man, let it scar you so deeply...I don’t know if it’s something I would have done, if it was me that had killed him. I don’t even know if it’s something I  _ _ could _ _ have done. Dean and I, we’re broken, numb, dark. Not like you. You were free of the scars both of us bear, and you never should have received them in the end. _

 

_ When I first met you, you were out for revenge, to kill the banshee that killed the ones you loved. None of us are free from those scars, the ones that put us on this path. Yours happened to be more physical than emotional, but that didn’t stop you. It never could. _

 

_ The man who killed you is dead, but it’s not enough. You deserved more, Eileen. You deserve to be remembered. _

 

_ I won’t forget you, Eileen. Not ever. You are one scar I’ll never quite be able to heal. _

 

_ ~Sam Winchester _

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really sure where that came from, to be honest. All I can say is that procrastination is a VERY powerful force...and so are my feelings for poor Eileen :(  
> She deserved SO much more than what she got, and she at least deserves to be remembered.  
> I hope you liked this little thing I did instead of my precalc homework :p


End file.
